Do You Want It More Than They Do?

By Chris Atley.

This came up in a coaching session with a client earlier this week and it’s so important that I wanted to mention it here for my virtual community too:-)


Have you ever stayed on a sales call wayyyy too long knowing you are crossing your own boundaries around time?

But you convince yourself to do it because you really just want to help that person?

Maybe to the point you are even late for your next call or an appointment?

As a result, you move into convince mode and stay on the call or in the meeting way too long.

These are all red flags that we want the result more for the potential client than they want it for themselves.

We are giving, giving, giving and they are not reciprocating. There is always a story on why they can’t do something and always a bit of drama if I’m being honest. They are not willing to make the change and meet us halfway. It has to at least be 51% more for them.

Because even if these people do say yes to themselves and want to work with you, they usually don’t put the work in. Again, we’re left with wanting it more for them, and usually deep-down feeling like we need to prove our value and therefore our worth. Not a great feeling.


I remember being on a sales call once where I let it gooooo way over, so much so that I was late to a meeting by 45-minutes!

I took the call from the car on my way to the meeting, and I wanted to work with the person I was talking too so badly that I was willing to let everything else go because of it. Deep down I wanted her to see my value and that I could actually help her. The person I was meeting with was less then pleased, and I think that was actually the last time we connected now that I’m thinking about it:( How rude right?!

But how many times do we let our values slide for the sake of a sale? I don’t like being late (well OK not more than 5 mins who am I kidding!) for meetings or calls, and integrity is one of my highest values. Doing what I say I’m going to do. And if I’ve committed myself to a meeting or a phone call, and don’t show-up fully, I am not being my best self who is in integrity.

What ends up happening then? I feel like a bad person.

This is an ego trap at it’s finest.

I make a disempowered choice and then get to feel bad. Exactly where the ego likes us to stay.

And it all comes back down to self-worth.

We aren’t valuing ourselves enough to stick to our boundaries. This is the belief deep down in our subconscious that is running the show, and the lens we are seeing life through and therefore making decisions from. It talks us into making decisions from this place of not valuing ourselves. So, we don’t honour ourselves and then feel like a bad person later.

It keeps us in the loop.

BUT I have great news! As you value yourself more and more, this type of person actually stops showing-up! Gotta love the universe mirroring back exactly what we need to work on right?! As we value ourselves, we honour our boundaries more and quite honestly set the stage for sales calls a lot differently to begin with.

Now does this mean we never over give?

No. But when we truly value ourselves we consciously decide instead.

Just start checking-in:

Are you giving because you truly want to help that person, or because they are triggering that little “not enough” cord deep down?

It’s a fine line but a big difference:-)

If you’re stuck: the latter ends up breeding resentment later. So, look back at past examples in order to see where a conversation that did feel that way led to resentment later, or even led to a not so great client experience that felt disempowering in some way. You can then be aware of it the next time it feels the same way in a sales conversation.

It’s all about those gut feels – they never lie.

AND know that you are valued and valuable, regardless of where you are at in your entrepreneurial journey.

You are enough right stinkin’ now!!

That’s me yelling at the ego!! Don’t give into it. And know this too – it never fully goes away as we all have an ego. We just get faster at recognizing it, knowing it’s not true, and therefore not letting it dictate our decisions:-)

Chris Atley is an award winning coach, speaker and bestselling author. She has been featured on various media outlets such as Bloomberg Radio, Fox, ABC and the Manhattan Neighborhood Network.

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